I re-read yesterday's post after getting a couple of encouraging emails and felt like maybe I overstated the situation, or our mood. So let me just say how much we appreciate everyone's patience with what it seems to us must appear as nervous whininess. We are fully aware how lucky we are, and that many babies and families face far more daunting challenges. Sleeplessness will make everything seem harder I think.

We are not, however, satisfied with good enough... how can we be when Max lets us know he's in pain? We are new to this and are scrambling to learn what others know already (what did people do before the internet?), not to mention we both count obsessive behavior as a character trait. But there is also in us a certain desperation: we have been blessed with this one amazing child. We have one chance to get it right. It consumes us.

The good news is that Max is almost 3 months old, and he's happy more than not these days. As we figure out more about what he and Garn can and can't eat, he improves bit by bit. At around 4 to 6 months we can likely start some solids, and that will help a lot with vitamin intake and a healthy digestive system. Most of all we're figuring out that parenting is really about weighing pros and cons and picking the best option and realizing that what's right now may change later.

People ask how it's going, and we try to be honest. The alternative is silence. So thank you all so very much for your patience, love and support, your interest and concern for us and for Max. We do know everything will be o.k. It's just that sometimes in the middle of the night it seems darker than it really is.

"I am on sentry and stare into the darkness. My strength is exhausted as always after an attack, and so it is hard for me to be alone with my thoughts. They are not properly thoughts; they are memories which in my weakness turn homeward and strangely move me."
-from All Quiet On The Western Front